acquaintance.

I got hit. There were 4 terrorists around me and I saw only one. I was standing on a brick-wall hoping to see all of them and pin them down with my new CV-47 sniper. I didn’t last for more than 2 minutes. Fuck Policemen. I swore. I had enough of these policemen. I will be a terrorist next time. I think, loading a new game of Counter-Strike.

I’m not supposed to play this game, or any game for that matter, in office. It had happened to me once. I was playing Bubble-shoot – a stupid silly game where many water bubbles pops up randomly on the screen and I need to click on them to shoot them. I didn’t notice this CCD guy watching from behind. I sit in the extreme far end cubicle in our floor and never thought anyone will ever notice. Can you believe it? He actually waited for the game to get over and he noted my employee ID and sent a screenshot of the game to his email. I’ve been a little conscious, both on the game and the surroundings, since then.

Next day, I see a new face. He was sitting almost 5 feet away from me. He doesn’t have a PC. What will he do without a PC? I wonder. I’m bored to death with a PC. I pity him. 

Hi. I say.

Hi. He smiles showing his smoke-stained teeth. 

Being in bench for more than 3 months gave me enough time to collect so many videos. I was laughing my ass off watching a kid’s expression after tasting a lemon. I don’t remember how many times I have watched this video but it shakes me head to toe. It took me a while to get myself together and to notice another pair of eyes looking at my PC. He, Dinesh (I saw his name), was laughing too. He was looking at my monitor. I asked Dinesh if he wanted to listen to some songs. He covered his wide-open mouth with his palm as if I asked him to take poison. 

I felt pity for him. I showed him more funny videos. He seemed to enjoy each and every video, but always taking extra care not to make a sound even when he wanted to laugh out loud. I finally started to watch him for signs to know if anyone’s around who I should be careful about for he used to stiffen himself for even the slightest creak of a chair.

I’m not sure how many days had passed before I got a message from some guy asking me to send my resume. I was happy that at last I was to get into a project. I was excited about this - new people, new manager, new building and new cubicle. 

I thought about Dinesh. I’m not sure when will he get a PC or if ever, he will get one. He got to meet few other people near my cubicle. I can see him smiling at few others too, with the same sincerity he used to smile at me. He will be fine. He is making friends. I think.

I tell him my cubicle got shifted to Building X. I point my finger to the monitor and gesture no more videos. He shook his head as acceptance to my departure. He keeps smiling. I wonder if those moments meant anything to him for I’m sure he will never re-live those moments.  

When I walk away with my notepad and a few printouts, I hear someone calling out for security. I turn around to see Dinesh talking to him. 

Security - I will never call him that. I think. 

speak of the devil.

Its been so long since I met her. Not even a glance. I don't know why is she so busy these days - her status always shows red and I hate it. I tried to message her once. No reply. Argh! I don't understand why I keep embarrassing myself all the time. I should really stop thinking about her or keep looking for her.

The other day I thought I saw her. I saw her friends actually. She always goes with them and my heart always skips a beat when I see not just her but anyone in her group. It's really weird of my heart to pump adrenaline whenever I see any of them.

Speak of the devil and She shall appear - right in front of me.

I'm not sure if I've seen anyone else who looks so consistently beautiful - from any angle. Or in anything she does - you name it and she is just perfect.

Photo Credit: Cris Watk / Image / Website

this isn't happening.

This was happening too frequently to be a coincidence. She’s there, again. 

She’s looking at me. She’s making me blush. I look at her. She's smiling - that ever-so-gorgeous smile. I want to sit closer to her. It stinks here. Let’s sit somewhere else, I say. No, he says. It doesn’t matter. I can see her. I’m sure she can see me too.

I can see her looking at me. Our eyes meet a hell lot of times. It’s making me embarrassed. I don’t regret. She’s so beautiful. Next time I should come alone. He always insists to come along with me. I can’t just ignore him. Of course I can. 

I know she likes me. And I like the fact that she likes me.

I haven’t said anything to him. I don’t want to. I look at him. I ask him something. He isn’t listening. What’s he…Oh wait. Why is he smiling? I didn’t ask anything even remotely funny. 

I’ll be back in a moment, I say. I get up and walk past him. I glance at her from the corner of my eye. Our eyes meet again. Not a hint of acquaintance. Yet, she was smiling...at him.

It wasn’t a coincidence. He was always there! He was always there with me whenever she was around.

God, I want to die.

Photo Credit: Dipu Das / Image

like moon. beautiful & beyond my reach.

Today, there is no money involved. No friends to persuade. Kavita, she is there, alone, 3 cubicles away. All I need to do is go say ‘Hi’. Still, I can’t. This time I do care. I do care what she would think of me. I do care what she would say, what she would tell her friends. I do care this time. Maybe it’s because of the fear of embarrassment, fear of failure. Or maybe it’s because I liked her.Above all, you need guts.

It was all coming back, like a flash-back – the day I had talked to someone, some stranger. “I will give 3000 rupees to whomever goes and talk to that girl sitting over there.” My manager had said pointing one in a group of girls sitting not more than 5 tables away from ours in the food court.It happened 4 years ago. I went and talked to her. I didn’t even know who that girl was. I didn’t care what she might think or what she might say. All I could think of was the money. I was dead nervous yet I managed to go talk to her. I was pretty sure that chances of seeing her again were very less.

Now, it’s different. I make up my mind one day and drop it the next moment. I feel it’s more like gardens. We plan to tend to them. We just always seem to put it off till next week. And to add to that, there is a common misconception among guys that beautiful girls doesn’t seem to share the enthusiasm of making friends with someone who’s hitting on them.

Kavita, she did look serious for I haven’t seen her smiling. Hope she isn’t arrogant. She is kind of modern by the way she dresses;Hindu for sure by her name; Non-vegetarian anddoesn’t look like a nerd. Being serious, not nerdy and being modern perfectly rules out all the possibilities of her not-being-arrogant. Guess she is single too. If not, well, let’s not talk about that. Mostly they tend to be on phone for a long time. I haven’t seen her oh phone at all, maybe once or twice. I heard she is social and jolly and really cool. I never dared to discuss her among my friends. People tend to be reserved when it comes to matters like this. I’m no different.

I knew I would talk to her one day and I did. Out of the blue! I didn’t give her a chance to talk. I was nervous and she was embarrassed I guess. I don’t expect to see her a lot and I’m sure I will save her some embarrassment if I don’t talk to her in front of her friends.

She wasn’t anything that I thought of. She isn’t serious. She looks gorgeous when she smiles. Maybe that’s the reason she smiles less. She is studious; hard-core vegetarian and die-hard religious. I got 4 wrongs out of 5. I don’t want to risk the last one.

She is like rains in Chennai – when it rains, it pours; when she talks, she’s wonderful. Otherwise, I just don’t exist at all.

Photo Credit: Parvez / Image

embarrassed. a little.

That’s her, walking towards me. Oh God, she is beautiful. I try to look away. No. I can’t. I try to catch her eyes. She doesn't seem to notice me. She can’t miss me. No one’s around. I try to remember our first meet. It was out of the blue. She was surprised. Maybe shocked. I felt lucky in some way when she didn't take it bad. Kind of a dream come true. We did talk later. A couple of times or maybe a little more. 

I look at her. I smile.

She doesn’t.

Thank god, no one's around.

Photo Credit: Cris Watk / Image / Website