Tuesday, January 26, 2010

god, why me?

If they are to leave me someday, why making me love them? Do you feel funny about it? You wanna see me worrying al the time? Have you ever heard my prayers, at least one?

Am I a testing-specimen?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

inertia is takin my life ahead.

One of my blogger friend said somethingz stinking about my recent posts. Yes, its true. A lot f things stink around here. I'm not able to help it. When we have a problem, we would try to solve it as soon as possible before it gets worse. I have a problem and I found a solution too.

Here, the problem is my life. 'to end it' is my solution. But I'm not courage enough.

Photo Credit: Vildan Uysal / Image


And this post is about my niece, Ammu.

I don't know if this is the case with all kids but she is different. She is different in her own ways. She says 1,2,3,...up to 10 without any help, though she misses 4 and 7 every time. Remember she is just one and half year old.

The only thing which I hate about her is her behavior when she gets angry. I dont know how my sister is managing her. We were sitting there chatting with Dad n Mom. Ammu was sitting on the table and when she felt nobody was noticing her she started crying. It went on for 2 hours. She is so very small but when we hear she screaming, I bet, you would never say she is 'small'. She wants her Mom to get up and when she, my sister, does it Ammu wants her to sit. This is not just once. This goes on, say 50 times? 100 times? I dont understand where on earth she gets this much energy to cry continuously with the same intensity and volume for 2 hours.

I thanked God when she stopped crying. She was so tired and she slept. It dint last long. She woke up and started to crying again. Then I felt there was something wrong. I told my sister to give her some medicine for stomach pain cuz I have seen her screaming like that before. Luckily after 10-20 mins she stopped crying. I cursed me, my sister and Mom for blaming her when she cried. We felt sad that she couldnt express it in any other way. They cant even talk.

After a while, my sister was working on my laptop, Ammu again started crying for no reason. I dont know if she had any reason but she showed no symptoms of any body pain or anything like that. She again wanted her mom to get up and sit down. She wants her mom to take her on her hands and when she does that, she will scream to put her down. OMG! She was getting on our nerve. I dont know if all kids are like this. But not in my life I have seen such a kid. I'm not cursing her or blaming her.

But this post is just to show her, obviously when she becomes old enough to understand what a blog is, how she irritated us and we took care of her even when we were angry. I just want her to understand how tough it is to raise a kid. OMG!

I will think twice before I 'do' something to my wife. Khe khe khe... ;) I need to think about the hardships like this....

PS: Ammu...whatever you do, we still love you! :) mwaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh.... But we just get irritated at times. :D

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

you are you and i'm me.

I cant imagine you even talking to some other guy.
And you want me to marry someone else.

I never thought you can imagine me with some other gal. I thought you were possessive. And now I can feel the slightest of differences between us.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dec 12th & Jan 19th

I just wanted to make a note of the most important and precious days in my life so that it would last long... as long as this blog lives :)

Dec 12 - I hope if all days were this day... for I was happy the entire day. Very precious day in my life. The day I received most number of gifts. The day I felt so comfortable. I would celebrate this day just like my birthday.

Jan 19 - The day I lived my dream, my ambition. Never ever I would forget this day.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

survival of the fittest.

I dont know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna miss you like hell. Will I die crying? Hopefully not. If I dint do anything stupid, maybe I will live. But, u know, some incidents in life are worth dying. :)

I cant think of someone looking at you. Then, how will I survive someone touching you?

Photo Credit: Lisa Fanucchi / Image

Thursday, January 14, 2010

i know you're helpless.

I know you cant talk against them. I will never hate you. I will never curse you. You are gonna marry someone so special, so special that no words can explain. He is gonna love you more than I do, or more than anyone in this world.

I know this blog post is definitely not gonna help reduce my sorrow. But at least people reading this post will pray for you. And may all good come to you. God wont listen if we are playing for ourselves but He wont ignore if somebody else is praying for us.

I Love You...and will never stop.

Photo Credit: Sue Byford / Image

oh, its from within.

I can hear your name always. I did count. 75-85 times per minute. I was wondering what. Count touches 100 and above when I'm tensed. But then I noticed.

Its my heartbeat.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

good things happen to good people.

I always pray to God for a life with you.
I always pray to God for you to be happy in your life.

But, are they contradictory?

Photo Credit: Charlie Balch / Image

Friday, January 8, 2010

they just vanish. gone. kaput.

Parents search for good alliances for their sons or daughters. To make the process easy, sons and daughters love someone and introduce them to their parents. So far so good.

Parents take this to the next level. They inform the news to their relatives. Phones start ringing. Some vessels break. They shout. They say the guy is not lookin good. He is having specs. She is not having long hair. She dont wake up early in the morning etc etc etc...

They make the slightest of problems very big. We are forced to agree what they say. Parents are happy, relatives are happy. They make us spends lakhs of rupees on the wedding day. They invite 100s of people. 30k worth photo albums, 10k worth DVDs blah blah blah... They are good at giving ultra superb ideas on how to be expensive but they dont care helping. At last parents spend minimum of 8-10 lakhs for the marriage.

After the marriage, guy and gal will spend 70% of the salary to repay the loan they borrowed from the bank. 70% of their time they spend fighting. They never care to see the DVD or the photo album worth 30k. They curse the day they got married. Parents see their 10lakhs rupees going in vain.

Now, where are these so-called-relatives? They just vanish. Gone. Kaput. They were in front to give comments, to talk against love marriage, to tell them how to show-off during marriage, to eat a lot.

What's the verdict? Promote love marriage. Khe khe khe... Marry someone you love, not the ones your parents or your love. Dont spend money for marriage. Do register-marriage :P Anyway, you are gonna blame that day. So why spending money for it? Dont expect anythin from your relatives.

Photo Credit: Konrad Mostert / Image


I look around. I see guys and gals (my friends they are) are on phone most of the time, talkin or textin. When I ask them, they say they are together. Couples or lovers or wateva we call it. Yes, not-legally-engaged-couples i meant :D. They say they are madly in love.

But, I'm wondering, why they aren't gettin married to the one they love?

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

how much do you weigh?

There is a common misconception that the level of fat in your body decides how good you are. I thought this was mainly among elders. But it is not. I, very recently, happened to talk to a friend of mine whose marriage got fixed. For fun sake, I teased her saying my aim was to get married before her. The very next question was 'Did you become fat? And my answer was a 'NO'. I never happened to climb the chasm of 'Under-Weight'. khe khe khe...

'Fat are good people. Thin are cunning' She yelled. I wont blame her. I guess she never saw her 'full body' in the mirror. I think no mirror will help her, no matter how big. khe khe khe...

Okay. This post is not about teasing fat people. But to say that there are good-thin-people also. Maybe I'm not one of them ;) Never judge a person sizing them up. Just like 'Dont judge a book by its cover' :D

PS: Perhaps this post will help me find a better girl. khe khe khe... :D

a beggar of me.

Few days back, when I was going back to Coimbatore from Cochin, I met a girl. To be frank, I noticed her cuz she was looking beautiful (but tensed?). She asked me if the bus was going to Coimbatore. I nodded yes. After few minutes she came to me again and said if she can borrow 50 bucks.

I was like, WHAT?! Her looks were charming and English fluent. I never expected her to ask for money. That reminded me of a situation, a situation which you may face any time.

Once me and my friends planned to go watch Thrissur Pooram. Its a very famous Pooram (English word? God knows what :D) in Kerala. We first went to my friend's home. Kept our things there and started for the amazing event. I dint forget to take the camera to click some snaps of the most anticipated fireworks. There can be lakhs of people to watch this and we dont know what types of people would be there. I dint take my wallet for that reason. We boarded the bus.

I was stunned to see the crowd for it was an ocean. we took each others hands for not to lose any in the crowd. But the knot dint last long. We got separated. I dint know where I was or where to go. I had no money also. All I knew was, the bus-ticket fare from my friend's house to this place was Rs.4.50. I dint even know the name of the place. I roamed here and there for hours and at last I decided. To Beg! OMG!

You will never know how the situation can change you, no matter how you look. It can squeeze the hell outa you. I had no choice then. I had to beg. I dint know whom to ask money. All I needed was 5 rupees. I asked some old people to work out their sympathy but they just gave me a weird look. 'Who is this stupid, asking for 5 rupees with a Nikon camera in his hand?'

I then aimed for people of my age-group. They could understand me better, I thought. At last I had to explain the full situation for one guy to give me 5 rupees. I dont have words to explain how happy I felt. I ran to the nearest bus stand and got into a bus. I gave tat money to the conductor and told him 'I have to go to my friend's place and that place is Rs.4.5 away from here'. Everyone in the bus were staring at me.

PS: I gave her Rs.50 and I smiled. I could see a smile on her face, the same smile which went thru my lips 6 years back.

PPS: BTW, I still have the balance precious-50-paise coin in my wallet.

Photo Credit: Rotorhead / Image

Sunday, January 3, 2010

not yet.

I will never hate you. I will never curse you. Cuz i know it isn't your mistake. It is mine, when i keep hope on my love for you. Let your helplessness and fear give enough strength to live this entire life with someone else. Let him love you more than i do.

But don't ask me to stop loving you. I haven't started yet.

Photo Credit: Simon Cataudo / Image

Friday, January 1, 2010

Yours sincerely & I remain,

I was expecting a lot this year, but this was definitely not one of them. I was kinda shocked when I came to know this. But then, why should I be? I wish you all success and a peaceful life. I may not be praying cuz u did no good for me. But be sure I wouldn't curse you. Not in my dreams.

I'm anticipating a similar news in very near future. Maybe I would die of stroke when I hear it. Luckily, that's what I want. khe khe khe... You know, some news are worth dying.

Anyway, Happy New Year and Happy Life and May God Be With You!

Photo Credit: Jesper Noer / Image

One year closer to death, I'm.

One more year passed. I was hoping to start the year with some good news. But as usual, all i heard was bad news. I used to think why this is happening to me alone. When I take a closer look, I feel everyone is suffering in one way or the other.

I desperately want some things to happen in life. Total re-arrangement. I heard its my good-old-friend's marriage, hopefully by the end of this month or beginning of next month. Wish you all success for that, if you are reading this. :) Always keep in mind that only good things happen to good people.

I'm praying most of the time nowadays. My heart is beating twice as speed as it was before. It may sound lame, but its not. Let me see if God can do what people cant. I cant believe i was a strong de-promoter of God before. Now I completely depend on him. No one else can help me. All I need is a miracle. Please!

Photo Credit: Aman Anderson / Image


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