after these many years.

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything about you. Actually I haven’t written anything good about you. I created this blog when you broke up with me. I wanted to humiliate you through this blog. But now, I feel happy for you.

These are the occasions where we feel the presence of God. I feel the pain of losing you. There were times where I could not even think of you being with someone else.

I would like to take this opportunity to say my sorry for everything I did to you. For hurting you to the core, for pushing you away when you tried to hug me, for making you cry on the middle of the road, for keeping you on hold for more than an hour on phone, for having had you hospitalized, for humiliating you through my Orkut profile updating the ‘About me’ section. I know you have taken a print-out of it as a token of my hatred. I sometimes feel I would have got you back if I haven’t done what I did.

I’m sorry K****u (I really want to spell your name but I don’t want to). I didn’t mean to hurt you. The day we talked for the last time on phone, the day you said you are not mine anymore, I went mad. I wanted to kill myself. Though I shouted at you, I loved you somewhere deep inside my heart. I thought you will come back after a while. I never knew you loved me this lot to let me go away.

Friends used to say about those times I used to go out at 2 AM in the night after fighting with you. I was madly in love with you. I have never loved someone so seriously. I have no feeling left in my mind for someone else. I realize that now.

I cherish the way you loved me. I want someone to love me the way you loved me, the way you used to stop me from talking to any other girl, the way you used to call me ‘anu’, the way you call me every half hour if you didn’t see my msg, the way you kiss my ears, the way you hug me, the way you touch my cheeks, the way you hold my hands. I cherish each and every second I had spent with you. I now know how valuable you were to me.

Now, you are married to someone else. I’m happy that God found you a perfect guy except, for what I feel, that he smokes. But I’m sure you will be happy in your life. I’ve never cursed you and never will.

I really don’t love you now. It’s just that I wanted to let go off my feelings completely. And I feel this is the right time.

You may or may not be reading this post. But please forgive me. I’m sorry.

Photo Credit: D Sharon Pruitt / Image